Thursday 26 January 2012

The gentle art of gratitude*

I'm sure like me you were brought up to say please and thank you and I'm sure like me you still do. For example after a meal with friends I'll always send a card or perhaps an email depending on who it is. I met up with an old friend last week for lunch and gave her a bottle of our olive oil, within a few days there was a lovely thank you card that I really appreciated. However I've had recently a few examples of total lack of gratitude.
So far this year I have posted off separately two hand knitted items and left another gift to be passed onto the recipient, I have heard nothing back from anyone. So I've begun to wonder if the gifts actually arrived and at the embarrassing stage of considering whether I should make contact, thus shaming the recipient into expressing some seemingly solicited appreciation or just keep quiet.
I'm not looking for a standing ovation, I don't need to be carried shoulder high round the village, but none of this is good enough.
On the other hand, and on the basis of two positive comments to each negative, my darling Amelia always makes a big effort whenever she receives a gift, this was her post Christmas thank youand I still have last years which was equally delightful.
Also I knitted this week a pair of fingerless gloves for Pam's Mum who is 95, currently not too well and likes to read in bed with gloves on to keep cosy. Pam provided me with a couple of balls of Rowan 4 ply soft, gorgeous yarn, I used slightly more than one 50g ball and could probably have managed with just one but I'd been asked to make the gloves nice and long, presumably to tuck into the sleeves of a nightie. When Pam collected them she thanked me and that evening sent me an email thanking me again and saying her Mum was delighted and was using the gloves straight away which was great to hear.
I give gifts that I think the recipient will enjoy and the giving is in many ways enough satisfaction but surely it doesn't take much, especially in this day and age, to make some acknowledgement. That's all I'm saying, my first rant of the year and by the way thank you for taking the time to read this.

*with apologies (and thanks) to Jane Brocket

13 comments:

  1. It drives me mad if people don't say thank you for a gift. So Mr JK and I have an easy solution. If we don't get thanked, then that person is crossed off the list, and we don't bother anymore! Simple! It has made buying presents a lot less stressful!

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  2. I get very annoyed when people don't say thank you - like josiekitten I have stopped giving presents to people who didn't thank me!

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  3. It does not take much to say thank you and it is irritating not to know if your present has arrived.

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  4. I'm with you on this one. We always made our kids write thank you letters after Christmas and birthdays but my nieces are now 13 and 11 and have never thanked me for anything we've got them. My SIL rings and says thanks on their behalf but I think they really are old enough to do it themselves and have been for a few years. Or maybe I'm just pernickety?!

    K xx

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  5. I'm with you on this one. This year I made a Christmas cake for the people (we've yet to meet) who will become the Girlie's in-laws later this year. (I was told they love cake but don't bake and would really appreciate one.) Not one word.

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  6. I cannot abide rudeness. It costs nothing to be polite
    and it leaves everyone concerned feeling happy. Perhaps we should have lessons in school to teach good manners if, as it appears, they are not being taught at home?

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  7. It can go both ways, I've been on each side. I always give a verbal thank you for any gift even the ones I don't like or are not practical for me. On the other hand, you have people like my Monster-In-Law who expected a written thank you card (she lived next door goodness sake!) if my kids, her grandkids, spent the night with her. and she would always speak so mean and ugly about people who didn't do that for her. It was a total turn off for me. Sometimes people (especially full time working moms like myself) forget, or they're late. Doesn't mean the gift was not appreciated. For myself, it doesn't bother me if I get no thank you, I still had pleasure making it. and I would NEVER stop giving gifts to those who didn't say thank you. That would mean I gifted them just so I could get some glory back. True gifts are given, with no expectations, or quid pro quo's attached. For me, i truly believe that the best part of gifts is giving them, and for me thats all the pleasure I need. If people don't say thank you, that's between them, their conscious and their God. I still get credit for doing the nice thing and continuing to gift them.

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  8. A thank you costs nothing, especially as there are so many ways to express it quickly these days. But perhaps that's part of the problem, our lives are all so busy these days that sometimes there's not time anymore for even the simple things in life. The most irritating thing would be not knowing if the gift had arrived or was lost en route, or perhaps some other soul was enjoying it!!

    Hugs
    Brenda

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  9. Like most people I think a 'thank you' should be par for the course - and like most people these days I find them few and far between. I don't always expect a written one but it there are things like the phone or even email - which is definitely better than nothing!

    Mind you there's nothing worse than realising (as I've been known to do) that I/you have been guilty of not thanking - guilt trip quickly put right lol
    Cathy

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  10. Saying 'thank you' takes so little time, but makes such a difference. It wouldn't stop me giving to those I truly wish to give to though. Have a knitty week! Ros

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  11. Thanks for the welcome back message Jenny. I enjoyed your rant as I wholeheartedly agree. So many people seem unaware that it is simple courtesy to say thankyou.

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  12. For me it's not so much the thank you as knowing whether or not the gift arrived.
    I sent a gift card to one of my grandchildren one time and it made it's way back to me with a slightly wrong address. I was thinking she didn't say thank you and she was probably wondering where her gift was!!!

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  13. I love receiving "thank yous" but sadly it doesn't often happen...though, equally, I have to admit I'm not very good at remembering to say "Thank you" myself...perhaps I should spend a copuple of days making a supply of "Thank You" (or "Merci") cards then I have no excuse for just popping one in the post!

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