I'm in a funny state of mind, not sad exactly just wondering who I am and where I belong at the moment. We had to go down to Yorkshire this week for a family funeral, my cousin's husband died suddenly. Being in the village where I went to school, with people I've known all my life and who are still in the same place really got me thinking. Mr FF and I have moved around since we were married 42 years ago, we've had 7 houses and for the last 24 years have lived in Scotland. My recently bereaved cousin lives in the village where she was born and has only ever in her whole life lived in two houses both in the same road. She is now back in the albeit revamped house where she was born. My brother also lives in the house where he and I were born and his two daughters and two granddaughters are not far away.
Back in Scotland I also attended this week a memorial lunch for a dear friend's Mum who died recently at the grand old age of 95. The lunch was to celebrate her life at one of her favourite restaurants, attended by her children, grandchildren and great grandchildred, plus old friends and neighbours and the extended family of which I am proud to be a member. It was a positive uplifting event, with many photos of Betty's life and a humour filled speech from her grandson. Betty had moved round too, from Scotland to England and back again but was fortunate that her family seemed to follow her and she ended her days living close to them.
However, it all got me thinking. I love being in Italy with all our friends in the village, I love my house and garden in Scotland and all the friends I've made here but I still call Yorkshire home and its calling me. Maybe I just want the best of everything, the sunny Italy life style, my comfy Scottish house and to be surrounded by everyone I care for. Maybe its because we are thinking of downsizing and don't know where to that is disconcerting me, maybe its just old age.
I hope you are feeling a bit more grounded and enjoy your weekend, which for us is forecast to be chilly.
You are at a big crossroads with many decisions to make - no wonder you are in a state of flux. I'm the type of person who adapts easy to decisions that life etc makes for me, but a real ditherer when I have to make my own. XXXXXXXX
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I'm sorry that you're finding life a bit tough. We are downsizing at the moment, but need to stay in the same area because of jobs. It was tricky enough deciding where to buy locally, without throwing different countries into the equation. Hope you manage to find a solution that makes you happy. On a positive note, we have both found it very therapeutic getting rid of belongings. I have decided that it is possible to exist with not very much at all, as long as there is food, warmth, a cat and some wool!
ReplyDeleteYou've had some big life changes in the last few years, with your husband retiring, spending more time in Italy and so on, and so it's probably natural that you're feeling a bit discombobulated (one of my favourite words). A sudden death in the family often brings on introspection and questions about one's own life, as well. I'm sure, like most thing, that this, too, shall pass, and you'll be back to your old self. January's a rotten month all round, I always think.
ReplyDeleteWe have moved quite a few times - and we lived in Indonesia for three years! In contrast my Dad lived in the same house for 82 of his 86 years, and my brother has lived all his life in the same county.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you are having a fit of the mid-winter blues, especially with all the grey days that we have had recently.
January is an easy month for melancholy and retrospective thought Jenny, no doubt helped along by recent events and being together with your family and friends. I whole heartedly echo your sentiments and often wonder what we're doing 3700 miles away from everyone else in our families. Of course, that sometimes acts in our favour too! At least you're not that far from Yorkshire at the end of the day. No doubt some sun and a happy day in the garden might change your mood somewhat. If it wasn't for the fact that January is also my birthday month then I'd probably not like it very much at all!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Brenda
I've been a tad unsettled of late, thinking we could/should downsize (not that our house is in any way palatial, you understand) and quite fancying a complete change (apart from being away at university I've always lived in this town). But, like you, I don't know where I'd move to. Maybe it's harder to make a decision because we're not restricted by jobs or having to consider children's needs.
ReplyDeleteIf I took your post and put it on my blog, changed the names and places...well, it would perfectly fit my cframe of mind these days.....except I'm not currently blogging! I'm perfectly settled....yet unsettled. Soooo...I'm not changing anything and getting nowhere fast, I guess! LOL!
ReplyDeleteDear Jenny, The moving around and so many houses, then finally nesting where you are comfortable sounds quite familiar to me. You are not alone; even your age brought me back to those tumultuous years.
ReplyDeleteThese may be odd words of comfort, but after I reached 50 years old, I looked back in relief that those last 10 years were finally over. As if they had been teenage years of angst.
Keep searching, keep asking, take one step at a time. This, too, shall pass (and sunshine helps).
love,
bj