As well as being a statement of fact, I haven't seen the film probably never will, my post title is also the name of a BBC Radio 4 comedy programme where celebrities list experiences they've never had, go off to try them and report back with a rating out of 10. Experiences tend to be those that many people will have had but to the celebrity they are completely new. The list might include books not read, War and Peace often features, foods never tasted, snails for example, perhaps karaoke or leaning to swim, anything really including once colonic irrigation.
Thinking about the programme reminded me of the many mundane experiences I have missed out on but have no desire to try.
I've never knitted a toe up sock, or a top down jumper, though I have knitted many complicated patterns including a sideways produced cable jumper not unlike the Vogue one below and an extremely complex Celtic knot patterned one, in both cases for other people.
These days I'm so comfortable with the small challenge of a bit of pattern on a sock and actually enjoy churning out pair after pair of plain ordinary ones.
I've never tried skiing although with a group of friends I did sign up for lessons on an indoor dry ski slope. One look at the gradient and the planks I was expected to use to get down convinced me that it wasn't a sport I would enjoy. I've never played bridge either and though I tried it once I don't play golf, all three activities are almost compulsory in this building.
I've never changed a plug, I did gen up on how to do it in case of emergency but it seemed such a dangerous activity with the possibility of the wires being not quite right that I've never tackled it.
I've never reverse parked my car. Mr FF tried to teach me but I didn't really get it.
When I use a car park I tend to find what I call a drive through spot, one with two rows of spaces where you can drive across the first into the second and are ready for an exit without even having to reverse. I'd happily walk half a mile across the car park in exchange for a drive through while Mr FF prefers to drive round for half an hour and then negotiate the most impossible space just to be near the entrance.
I don't beat myself up about these non-experiences, I've had plenty of others I've loved and I don't think I'd ever want to go on the radio programme, unless of course they offered to fly me in a private jet with Johnny Depp to visit the Clooneys at their villa on Lake Como, which counts as 4.